Current location:	down in the hole
Current mood:	blah
Current music:	'sick of you" Gwar
Entry tags:	family, friends, mental, mr t!, problems

I Pity tha FoooL!
Damn-got a little feeling sorry for myself last night. Left work with an alright frame of mind then jammed to some GWAR for a bit. Made me miss my bass. Then I got sad about family and friend matters. I took Jessika off my contacts cuz I'm still mad about her shit. Hopefully, she doesn't call for a long time if ever. She questions me about my story about my past like I'm lying about shit! All I do is listen to her all the time about her damn problems-that's fine-I don't mind, but act like I don't have anything worth for her to listen to? That just infuriating, because I owe her or soemthing! No wonder she is always having relationship troubles! Rant! Rant! I hardly have anything in common with her-she likes top 40-mainstream crap music and I like crazy-silly-punk metal! She is wayyy too dominating. Plus she always has some drama where she has to rant about how her man needs to do this and that and fight for her. Arg! How lame. And "o-I never cry" and everytime I fucking see her she is crying!



So here I am jibber jabberin! Lol! Regurgitating the same shit. Tried to talk to another girlfriend about my family problems of the baby-daddy having another baby and if I should tell the adoptive family about it. I got the "I can't talk to you right now" deal. I can understand that, but when you say you wanna talk about it tomorrow and don't even bother to ask your friend how she is about it-that's kinda lame. I don't know how many times I listened to her boyfriend delimmas and such. I guess I really can't count on any girlfriends, they treat my problems like-'oo poor baby' or like I don't have any real problems. Then the other night I tried to talk to yet another girlfriend and the subject got changed quickly to her spatula problem. Talk about feeling insignificant. Do they think that my life is just hunky-dorey and I got it all? Yes, I have a great boyfriend-most of the time and guinea pigs and I bust my ass at a cool job-and I got a roof over my head-so that means I have no problems and to stop bitching about nothing!? My main point is-female friends are suppose be more supportive and instead I get brushed off evrytime I wanna talk about something weighing on my mind! Well, I still haven't tried getting together with Lori and attempted to talk about it with her. I usually just get on her about her situation. I can usually talk to her for awhile-I shoulda when we were at the Parlor, but people were listening or maybe I was afraid she was also gonna not listen or cut me off. Now my old pal Jerry has a girl-I use to be able to talk to him about stuff-but he's a guy. I can talk to Pat and bog him down with it all-tried to lastnight and he got home late and drunk and is hungover today-real bad. So-all I have lately-is lj to rant on and get shit out to help me figure my own damn problems out! So-for the time being I will not say anything to the adoptive family about there being a possible sibling out there. People fuck, right? Would they want to know? I think it's the nature that other people like to make other people squirm or something. Maybe it's just a rumor-but I don't want to go physically find out for sure. And for long time there-the adoptive family kept asking me about dear old sperm doner even though I told them we were mean to eachother and I don't feel comfortable around him. Would that really be great for the kid-to be around discomfort? Well, I wrote them New Years and told them about me and my family situation-so they understand and will let me sort my brain out. Now the fucking family shit is getting out of hand! Well, I should go rest up now-before everyone starts wanting to hang-out and drink and talk about fun things all the time! Which is good-but then people wonder why I explode. Will I need a shrink someday?